Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Last One! (Regular Season Games)

I haven't posted my end of season record for picks.  That will come tomorrow after the last game is played tonight in Big D aka JerryWorld.  The last regular season games are played today, and I have definite opinions about how things will shake out.  Let's take a gander, shall we?

  1. Carolina visits the Dirty Birds.  Let's hope they keep that decent road record.  Panthers win.
  2. Cincinnati hosts the Baltimore Ravens.  Desperation looms large for the Ravens. 
  3. Houston makes the trip to Tennessee to put a miserable end on their miserable season.  Titans trounce the Texans.  You saw it first here.
  4. Jacksonville Jaguars join the meaningless beatdown club as they trek to Indianapolis.  Colts declaw Jags and send them home packing.
  5. NY Yets are down south in Miami.  Fins win.
  6. Detroit is without my main man Megatron who needs knee surgery.   Get well soon, Calvin!  Your teammates will let you down as you begin your offseason work.  Vikings win at home.  Listen for that infernal horn they blow. Sheesh.
  7. Let the beatings begin! Washington limps into the Meadowlands to square off against division rivals (yawn) the NY Giants.  I have no idea who would be able to win this game and can't remember who won the last time.  I don't even care about this game since the 'Boys swept 'em both.  Push.
  8. Pittsburgh's back is against the wall as the loss-cause Cleveland Browns crawl into town.  The Browns want to spoil the Steelers' fun and will make them work to win.  Steelers win.
  9. A bit later in the day, Chicago led by Smilin' Jay Cutler (choke) will face Aaron Rodgers for the first time since Rodgers broke his collarbone.  The Bears' defense will remind you of yesteryear as a rusty Rodgers has a decent day and ekes out a win.
  10. Denver journeys west to Oakland just to make sure General Peyton notches up some more touchdowns against the hapless Raiders.  I think he'll hit either fifty-four or fifty-five, depending on how you looked at number fifty against the Texans last week.
  11. Beatdown main event, part one - Buffalo dares to show its face at Gillette against the Patriots who are sore losers at best? Har har har.  Get the bandages, ointment, and aspirin, Mildred.  The Bills are cooked and roasted.
  12. Beatdown main event, part two - Tampa Bay in New Orleans? I can hardly stop laughing.  Brees and his crew will thoroughly throttle the Bucs because they're inside, that's why.  Saints win.
  13. San Francisco is in the desert to pay a call on the Arizona Cardinals.  The Niners are riding high on their win last week at Candlestick Park (see Grantland edition on December 28, 2013 for a more thorough description of the place).  I want the Cards to win.  I think they can. I think they can.  Ah, who am I fooling?  They can't.
  14. Philip Rivers will be grinning aplenty before Andy Reid's KC Chiefs get a hold of him; they'll wipe that smile off of his face as they improve their record. This is even with some of the Chiefs being rested.
  15. Pointless Beatdown, main event, part three - the point of the St. Louis Rams showing up to play Seattle in Seattle? There is no point.
  16. The last game of the regular season will decide the NFC East champion.  Kyle Orton will do his best to lead the Cowboys and may get close to winning it for maybe a few seconds, but Nick Foles is on fire, baby, and no one is putting him out.  Iggles beat my beloved Cowboys.  I will sit in mourning for a bit then ruthlessly cheer their opponent for the playoffs next week.  Okay, you pushed me into it.  Giants beat the Skins.  Say good night, Gracie.

Lady Grid out.

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